里奥纳德·科恩：我是你的男人

I was excited this afternoon when I walked past the theatre and found Leonard Cohen's "I'm your man" was finally playing here. I spent the afternoon studying in the coffee shop next door. At dusk, when I came outside for another cigarette I saw audiences lining up outside the theatre for the movie. NONE of them was below 50. I'm dead serious. no one. And there weren't many ppl actually, there was a line only because everyone was moving so incredibly slowly. I felt a lethal blow to my self-image. This is the movie I was getting excited about. I told my friend about this and she said, "no, when I saw it in DC there are many younger guys there." I said ok, then she added, "although they are all gay."
 
At 9:30pm when the light dimmed the audience consisted three old couples, a nerdy mid-age man who looked like a series killer in desperate need of a bath, and me. I coughed and I heard echo in the theatre. The movie opened with Cohen's own redition of "Waiting for a Miracle", then followed by "I'm your man" by Nick Drake. As much as I like Nick Drake he's not the right person for this song, he doesn't have the suave, brazenness or desperation for it to work.

Or I'd crawl to you baby
And I'd fall at your feet
And I'd howl at your beauty
Like a dog in heat
And I'd claw at your heart
And I'd tear at your sheet
I'd say please, please

 
It's just wrong, for these words to come out of his mouth. But "the Traitor" by Martha Wainwright was when it started to get me. I took off my glasses, buried my face in my hand and let the shivers filter thru me like repeated electric shock. I probably missed half of the moive by immersing myself in the songs with my eyes closed. When it came to "If it be your will" by Antony I found warm tears filled up my eyes. It's definately a good idea to come alone, it's not good for my self-esteem for anyone to witness that. I never knew Teddy Thompson can be so sensual:
 
You kept right on loving, I went on a fast,
now I am too thin and your love is too vast.
But I know from your eyes
and I know from your smile
that tonight will be fine,
will be fine, will be fine, will be fine
for a while.
 
But Bono bugged me thru-out, being utterly pretentious and stupid making those all-too-obvious comments.
 
I like how he talked about as poets they used to feel like "unacknowledged legislators"; how he shaved his head and wore robe everyday, and got up really early every monring hating everyone but faked pleasantness all day when he was a monk, and his last comment: "To say I am a ladies' man is a joke, which makes me laugh bitterly thru the thousands of night I spent alone."

---

After dark it started to rain, augmented into a downpour, and eventually faded into midnight drizzling. The smell of deep fall permeates in the air. I went downstairs for a cigarette with earphone and Corona in hand. I listened to Coldplay's "Scientist" again. I first heard this song a year ago. Coldplay in general is too slow and melodramatic for me but I like this particular song. The lyrics of this song didn't even make sense to me, a former and failed scientist, but I liked the flow. Standing in the chilly midnight air and listening to this song again after forgetting about it for quite a while, I was reminded of the memorable time a year ago. Saturday games, random drinking party ended in profusive vomiting and suicidal depression, and the nose dive into 1L life dazed and confused, but nonetheless utterly unfazed. I remembered I was relatively happy but hopelessly lonely.
 
Which reminds me of Leonard Cohen's last comment in his movie, "To say I'm a ladies' man is a joke, which makes me laugh bitterly thru they thousands of nights I spent alone." Now what is it that makes him feel lonely? He's an established poet/singer, enjoyed widely-spread fame, for a while at least. Compared with most poets and singers/song writers he had a glamorous life, so I wouldn't imagine getting laid being a problem for him. He even wrote in his song about how Janis Joplin gave him a head on the army bed for god's sake. So why is he still lonely. Cause I think he asked for it. Self-pitty is like a second nature for writers. The unsatiable loneliness feeds on his sexual frustration and he lives off it for inspiration. It's a very sickling relationship and it's even not clear who's the host and who's the parasite.
 
I have to quote the great Lester Bangs, my favorite line of his in "Almost Famous": ("us" here refers to Rock journalist)
They make you feel cool. And hey. I met you. You are not "cool." That's because we are uncool! And while women will always be a problem for guys like us, most of the great art in the world is about that very problem. Good-looking people have no spine! Their art never lasts! They get the girls, but we're smarter.

--

While the song "I'm your man" always gives me the image of an older man falling in love with a much younger woman. She's exuberant with life, elegant, maybe even beautiful, and with the nonchalance beautiful girls usually have. He can't really hope to get anything in return even in his wildest dreams, all he can do is offer himself, as a sacrifice, to perish for a cause.

The very first stanza is a perfection demonstration of Cohenism:

If you want a lover
Ill do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
Ill wear a mask for you
If you want a partner
Take my handle
Or if you want to strike me down in anger
Here I stand
Im your man

One peculiarity that always strikes me is the sexual images littered thru his lyrics, some expressive, "giving me head on the arm bed", "see her undressing for me"; "But I lingered on her thighs a fatal moment; I kissed her lips as though I thirsted still"; some more implicit, "take my handle", "I'm crazy for love but I'm not coming on", "I ache in the places I used to play". The implicit ones are always more startling, it's almost like a secret wink, but the reservation, the sinister suggestion nonetheless reflects his insatiable lust and sexual frustration. Leafing thru his songs, u see a vivid description of a man fighting a life-long battle for affection, caress, all the while holding on desperately to his sense of solitude. It's only fitting he chose to conclude the movie with these mark: "For many years, I was know as a monk. I shaved my head and wore robes, and I got up very early. I hated everyone but I acted generously. No one found me out. My reputation as a ladies' man was a joke, it causes me laugh bitterly, thru the ten thousand nights I spent alone."

一直都喜欢在暧昧的深夜，我说的那种如春夜般缱绻的夏夜去听cohen低沉的声音，直到整个心灵被灌醉。
仅仅在刚才，我才明白，是怎么样一种有着耽于享乐罪过的误读。
    所以当他说起他在寺庙里的生活，我只有那么惊讶了呢。但是，到了最后，我真的认同他的自白“我也许曾经是一个诗人，因为我连歌都唱不好”这句话不是什么自炫的技巧。
我大情人的名号完全是个笑话,I have been monk for many years.
     里面的nick cave绝对是近期真实状态变成虔诚教徒的nick cave，他说的也只有那么诚恳了呢：出席这样的演出是对少年不谙世事时候被指明方向的一种致意。
So The feeling “who I was” was vanished,
The less “I was” I was, the better I feel .

Ring the bells that still can ring
There is a crackle in everything
That is why the light can get through
Forget your perfect dream

他是一个可以让人又吃惊又发笑的奇才：每个诗人都在挑战理性的边缘，都会很勇敢的跳下深渊，但是能让人同时发笑的真是少而又少！就像最开始把我诱惑进来的那首the war between men and women.
有时候悲观的情绪可以更好的获得生活需要的平静。
在黑暗中寻找美丽。
还有一个感觉，真的，加拿大整体给人一种humility的感觉，很踏实，很平凡的宗教感。
又一个犹太人！
后注：本来今天是要去帮德国学生寻找the European trip的——因为他说得太夸张了，什么从他来中国开始就在寻找，所以，虽然我认为真的是小儿科的电影还是打算帮他找找，哪知道，老板说刚买完，倒是我自己淘到了宝贝，还顺便隆重的把wenders的taxes paris推荐给了Sabrina。
找到的是leonard cohen 的音乐传记电影《I am your man》，是加拿大某电视台做的一个关于cohen的专门音乐节目，不仅有老诗人的自白，还有诸如nick cave一干同样魅力超凡的加拿大音乐人参与，纷纷演绎cohen的代表作品。其中的amazing 就不赘述了，这里想记上一笔的是，当我发现这碟子时候就忍不住跟天哥短信，说发现这张超碟算是对自己的犒劳了，天哥又用了一个让我超级怀念武汉的表述“巨好”！真的是幸福死了。想到能够很快同城同乐，真是！
看的过程中，明白了很多，应该说明确了很多，最让我意外并且激动的是提到了一本近期被译为中文的小说，被cohen 说成是一次中暑症状的奇诞小说，更让我特别期待的是cohen在中间念到了他专门为中国读者写的序言，谈到了他对中国文化、尤其是中国古典诗歌中关于酒和距离的钦慕！ 幸福啊，生活在一个这样互动的文化媒体中！